Catch up...

Nathaniel was away over the weekend and after a few more days leave, I finally feel freshly motivated to start this up good and proper.

Here he is with Iggle Piggle at the shops near my parents house.

I have had a bit of an odd week; Nathaniel has been sort of semi poorly with a bizarre half-cold and some joyous teething on top. Tuesday aside (that later) he has been in a fine mood, but as always in typical Hayleigh form I have been getting myself wound up and worried and all in a mess about the smallest of things - mostly Nathaniels eating habits (you know, the ones that most toddlers probably have but I still go insane with worry about them)

On Tuesday we went to a new group for toddlers at St Columbus Church with Mags and son Sam and Julie-Ann and her two little ones who feature in a previous blog. I have been looking for another activity to do during my days off work with Nate for some time; I say looking, I was not looking, or even really enquiring at all, I was just waiting for someone to eventually find one and tell me about it so I could tag along and now, after long last, it has happened. So, this group was fantastic, lots of friendly children and attentive and chatty Mums to pass some time with. Except Nate was phasing between being in a fantastic mood and being entirely miserable and doing sad face at me while trying to escape through the doors which led to a big flight of DANGER! stairs. If there is one thing I know about my child it is when he is not himself, and Nate showing any sign of not being completely content in the company of other children means exactly that. Poor thing was up and down like Stephen Fry on Twitter and it made me stress out immediately.

Tuesday also marked the first day of the return to not eating bloody anything that I give him, not even fail safe fruit options and making me paranoid about my mothering and all that nonsense. This trend continued through till this evening when he must have been so hungry he succumbed to the fantastic foods on offer and ate plenty, making me feel much better about life (video to follow). He did eat soup on Wednesday evening, but that was for his Dad, Chris - I was out taking advantage of Orange Wednesdays and getting Pizza Express and watching Black Swan to try and shake me out of the weeks funk and he always eats alright for his Daddy. He knows how to wind me up the little bugger!

Now, I know that all toddlers are probably equally fussy and odd about their foods, changeable from one day to the next and relentless in their refusal to negotiate by any means. I know it is not just Nate who loves pasta one day but the next time you offer it will cry at the mere sight of it. I know that toddlers are not daft and will milk anything for all it is worth if it means they get cake instead of melon. But, and certainly for a mother who had no prior experience with children, it is still difficult and challenging and sometimes upsetting. Nathaniel is the grand master of making me feel in one moment like the happiest person alive and the next like a massive failure. I admit, I am a tad neurotic and certainly someone to think to much about every minute detail in the most pessimistic manner I can and make myself stress about it, I will add that I keep most of this locked in my mind and remain seemingly at ease to the observer (unless you are my Mum or Chris who I will express all my issues at if they like it or not) but never-the-less it is there, the doubt, the anguish, the want to succeed and the feeling that I am falling at every hurdle. And this is just when he doesn't eat very well for a day or two when he is a bit poorly. And this week was one of those weeks where I worried for no reason and got all upset in the bathroom on my own and then cleaned furiously around the flat while Nate napped to make it better. Iwill try and stop myself from doing this to myself. And, I suppose, to Nate who I am sure can pick up on my emotional state within seconds.

Nathaniel is, of course, in great spirits and has been since his grumblings on Tuesday morning, he is full of energy and being his usual bubbly self and once again all of my worries have proved to be absolutely absurd and unwarranted and I feel an arse, but also happy. Happy that the thing in the back of my mind, the knowledge that I am doing fine, that I am a good Mum and I do all I can for Nate and that he is fine and healthy, is right.

Chocolate face

I went on a bit there and it was all one big incoherent train of thought. I really can't write for shit. I promise to improve over time. Basically, nate ate funny for a few days, he did the same last week, he is fine but I got all worked up and worried about it but all is well now.

Black Swan was rather good. As was the new chicken pizza at Pizza Express. NOM!

This poster makes me think of Star Wars. I may be alone in this one.

I joined a gym, too. I will finally start making effort in the battle to fight my incredible fatness. Eating less cake would also help. I have been once and felt great afterwards. Now to get myself motivated to return.

Oh yes, also (just to make this one painfully long) Coffee meet today was fantastic fun. All the boys are really starting to bond and are all shaking hands and laughing and running around together and it makes me 'squee' at the cuteness of it all.

I will stop now. I will blog more regularly and hopefully figure out what I want to say soon so this will be much less messy.

Hayleigh x